How to Discipline Kids Without Losing Their Love and Respect

"If all you have is a hammer, everything in life is a nail."

I love the idea of positive discipline, I really do. You set limits, but you don't focus on the limits or on the consequences of breaching those limits. You focus on building up a relationship with your child that makes your child actually want to listen.

At the same time, traditional disciplinarians call people who follow this path "permissive parents." And as much as positive parents raise a hue and cry about the fact that they do set limits for their children, it's sometimes hard to see how that can be done. When you tell your child "Don't do that," and they do it anyway, and you're not allowed to punish them for it...What on earth do you do?

Luckily, there are experts out there like Dr. Laura Markham who can give a list of wonderful alternatives to punishments and lectures. Take a look at her punishment alternatives and think about how you can incorporate them into your own parenting journey.

The truth? I do punish my kids. I do send them to their rooms when they can't stop slinging blocks at each other's heads. I do tell them that it's time to clean up, and if they don't, they're "choosing" to miss playing with those toys the next time. But with these punishment alternatives in our arsenal, at least punishment isn't our only tool. We can go for the more positive discipline techniques first, and only turn to punishment if all else fails. That's the best way to discipline kids without losing their love and respect, while still helping them learn right from wrong when necessary.

I've seen people punish their kids with a timeout for not eating their vegetables, or with a toy taken away because they didn't want to share it with a friend. But kids who don't want to eat their vegetables aren't doing it to rebel. And kids who are having a hard time sharing a toy aren't doing it to be mean. They're doing it because they're expressing preferences or showing a lack of skills.

Don't treat punishments as the only hammer in your toolkit. Get a screwdriver, a wrench, and maybe even a bit of sandpaper. Otherwise, you'll be smashing your child when you could be gently perfecting her.

Research-Based Baby Hygiene: Why Your Floors Shouldn't Be As Clean As You Think

Mom, stop worrying that your grandkids are crawling on my dirty floor. I'm doing it for their own good.

That's right. A new study published in the Journal of Allergy and Clinical Immunology has found what parents like me have always hoped to be true about baby hygiene: Babies who come across mouse droppings, cat dander, and cockroach droppings before age 1 had decreased rates of allergies at age 3. In fact, this allergy protection actually increased if the child was also exposed to plenty of unhealthy bacteria.

Nobody would ever say that my floors are clean enough to eat off of. But in light of this new research, maybe that's a good thing. Throw baby hygiene out the window. Hey, Mom -- I'm helping your grandkids' immune systems!

Parents of Late Talkers Can Relax: New Research Says Your Child Will Be Fine

My first child was an early talker. At 18 months, we had full conversations with each other. In complete sentences.

And honestly, I thought I deserved a pat on the back. After all, it was my good parenting that taught him to talk. We talked all day -- about the flowers on the trees we were driving by, about the bird hiding behind the cloud in his picture book, about the tails on his stuffed animals. I was just a great parent, and those parents out there with kids who were spitting out one-word sentences, well they were...not.

Along came my second son. At 18 months he had exactly three words: "Ta-ta" (his name for my husband), "Da-da" (his name for my older son), and..."golf cart."

Yes, "golf cart."

I waited anxiously for the day that he would say my name instead of the name of a sports vehicle. And I realized that being a "late talker" has nothing to do with parenting style. Like many other aspects of a child's personality, you can nudge it along, but not control it.

But parents of late talkers wonder whether their children are destined for failure in life. After all, social circles thrive on verbal communication, and kids who can't communicate their needs tend to have plenty of tantrums as toddlers, out of frustration. Combine the two, and it's easy to imagine that your child is doomed to an anti-social, miserable existence.

Luckily, a recent study published in Pediatrics suggests that that's not the case. They looked at children who scored at or below the 15th percentile for language development at age 2, and followed them at ages 5, 8, 10, 14, and 17. They had no higher risk of behavioral or emotional problems than children who communicated well as toddlers.

Their conclusion? "Expressive vocabulary delay at the age of 2 years is not in itself a risk factor for later behavioral and emotional disturbances."

Parents of late talkers, take a deep breath. Your child will be fine.

Source: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2011/06/29/peds.2010-2782.abstract